Is it enough?



  Something I've realized since I've been separated is that nothing is guaranteed.

   For the past six years, I dreamed that one day I would go into the ministry, get married, have an amazing family of my own, live out of the country at some point, and grow old as couple recalling the many ways God worked in my life with gratitude. And while all those are great aspirations, they are based off of an assumption of what 'life to the full' looks like. As a disciple, I can misplace my hope; I confuse God's promises and replace them with my own expectations. danger!

   When I was asked to become a full-time intern and moved to San Jose, my heart got excited to check-off a dream answered. Then when I got engaged, I thought another dream achieved. As much as God would soon expose sin in the relationship, he wanted to expose my own heart. I quickly realized that in my own heart I needed to check where my hope was --was it in the things God gives me or in the cross he already gave me?

  I think there is a great misconception that if we are not successful, financially stable, married, leading in a certain role, or extremely talented that we've failed in some way. Shame on me if I think that is what makes anyone worthy. Jesus didn't prioritize any of these statuses, yet I can focus on them; then I start comparing myself to others that have that life. Do I really think that everyone's lives should look identical? I'm not guaranteed a healthy body, safety from persecution, to have a faithful spouse, to have healthy children, to have the life that I think I deserve, or even another day, but I am guaranteed heaven if I stay faithful. 

   My desires are still to do great things for God, but I know that God has a plan for me to live life to the full His way. I often cry in prayer considering the chance that I may never have a family, or the dreams I've wanted-- but it's relieving to know I don't have to be in control. I know that God will grant the different desires of my heart as my heart grows even closer to him. There is a peace that comes from that gratitude in knowing that if all else fails the cross is always enough and heaven is the ultimate dream.

 -Ashley 



Comments

  1. UnknownJanuary 12, 2014 at 10:05 PM

    Very well said, roomy! I love you!

    ReplyDelete
  2. UnknownJanuary 12, 2014 at 10:41 PM

    awesome and the pix is funny :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. UnknownJanuary 12, 2014 at 11:01 PM

    Hey your words are about to make me snif snif. :'( but in an understanding way. :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. UnknownFebruary 28, 2014 at 11:30 PM

    Wow, I'm glad that you share this side of things, even about God- he doesn't guarantee the things we think are guaranteed. That perspective always helps me to be more grateful for what I do have, even at the toughest times or when I don't understand why something is happening to me. Thanks for sharing:)

    ReplyDelete

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