So, it's a new year.. (side note: I feel silly having a blog again, but here it is! The last time I had a blog was myspace and xanga like 6 years ago..wow. I'm getting old) Dear Future me, Please, remember this time of your life. I wouldn't want you to regret it, or even worse, repeat it. Love, Past you. Well, let me start by saying that 2013 was the best/worst year of my life. The best because I've been given opportunities to learn things about myself and my walk with God I've never learned before. The worst because I've never felt so much heartache in my life ever. Starting January of last year I was able to finish out my associates in college (finally! I've been doing missionary work for the past 5 years and put it to the side for a while). I was able to serve in the ministry full-time. I was able to visit family for the holidays. I was engaged to a man I couldn't wait to start my life with. That June we got married! We moved up t...
Something I've realized since I've been separated is that nothing is guaranteed. For the past six years, I dreamed that one day I would go into the ministry, get married, have an amazing family of my own, live out of the country at some point, and grow old as couple recalling the many ways God worked in my life with gratitude. And while all those are great aspirations, they are based off of an assumption of what 'life to the full ' looks like. As a disciple, I can misplace my hope; I confuse God's promises and replace them with my own expectations. danger! When I was asked to become a full-time intern and moved to San Jose, my heart got excited to check-off a dream answered. Then when I got engaged, I thought another dream achieved. As much as God would soon expose sin in the relationship, he wanted to expose my own heart. I quickly realized that in my own heart I needed to check where my hope was --was it in the things God gives me or in the cro...
After weeks of learning to deal with the emotions, tonight was a random reminder of just how hard it is. Before I get into it, the past couple of weeks have been amazing. I was accepted into the ICCM (a college for ministry). I was asked to move to LA. My bosses have all been completely supportive of this decision. My subtle and random prayers have been continually answered in awesome ways. Things have felt like they've kept falling into place. ..So, back to THE box. I decided to organize my couple-of-boxes worth of stuff, throwing away old papers, planners, the usual pile up of unwanted objects. Then I came across THE box. The dreaded box I had packed up months ago, pushed aside, and out of mind. Inside my gut I heard a voice saying don't open it, leave it be, but I ignored it. I opened the box and there it was, two years worth of dating, engagement, and marriage memorabilia. I've fought many internal conversations on what I should do with all...
Comments
Post a Comment